I wish someone would invent a solution for closing up the space between the driver’s seat and center console of a car. Here’s the scenario: You’re in your car and decide to reapply some lipstick. After finding said lipstick in bottom of purse (for some reason purses always have black bottoms that seem to blend in with the lipstick case, making it virtually invisible), you pull off the cap and start fumbling it between your fingers while trying to twist it up. Then in slow-motion, it starts falling down, down, into the crack of no return! The crack is always big enough for anything to fit through, except a human hand! You’re yelling, “No!!!!” but it keeps falling, never to be retrieved again (at least by you). And of course, there are several other versions of the same lipstick in your purse so this is no great loss. But of course, the seat monster does not stop at lipstick; it is hungry for credit cards, debit cards, cell phones, sunglasses, straws, gum (lots of gum!). And it seems to know when you are desperate and really need one of these things, like when you have to buy gas. Oops! There goes your debit card! Who needs to solve the energy problems of the world when none of us can pay for gas? So of course, you think, I can get it myself, no problem. I am a grown up. Then you start maneuvering your hand down the crack to see if you can get it. Uh, no. Too big! But you can definitely see everything sitting down there waiting to come back up, you just can’t get to it. So you open the door, get out, and go back in head first under the steering wheel, trying to get in there somehow. Not a chance! So you try going in from the back seat, where it’s even worse and the detritus on the floor is even more disturbing (I once found an old plum rotted into the carpet of my minivan back there). After much fruitless effort, and lots of sand and sticky stuff on my knees and hands, I give up. And then I remember, I have kids with small hands. And I know why God invented them: to retrieve things from the seat monster! Of course, I have to wait for them to get home from school, but when they do, I put them to work. “Mommy, dropped her cell phone. Can you get it for me?” And they do!
Amy Newman is a recovering Jersey Girl, former and present Rhode Islander, children’s chauffeur, franchise owner and the go-to-gal in her family. She owns her own Discovery Map franchise for Narragansett and Block Island, Rhode Island. She lives with her husband, two sons, two cats (free to whoever wants them!), two guinea pigs, and two guppies. She continues to try to figure out where her youth went and what she did with all the free time she used to have. This is her first blog.